This one hit me because the answer is “I don’t know”.
I recognize joy when I see it in others (Francis is an irrefutable example), and I think I know what joy felt like when I look back across time, transported by a photo or middle-aged memory. Although in the latter case, I wonder whether I was actually experiencing joy at that moment (given my penchant for existential unease, there’s a good chance I wasn’t, or at least not consciously aware of it), or whether nostalgia’s vantage just shows me that I was in its presence.
But these days I tend to walk around in a bubble of numbness, bumping up against a world that I know, logically, contains plentiful joy but which I only ever seem to experience as muted vibrations against the bubble’s membrane.
I’m not quite sure how I’m going to penetrate that membrane, but I think posts like these (and really, your podcasts in general) certainly serve as guideposts.
Thanks very much. By and large, I'm right there with you. I recognize that joy in others and as much as I find joy being in the studio making, I don't HAVE TO. If, for whatever reason, someone said I had to stop painting tomorrow, I could absolutely do it and never look back, which makes me a little sad. I have a ton of interests and I'm grateful to have been raised to pursue my curiosity, but I'd be lying if I said I sometimes don't long for that one thing that lights me up.
“The challenge for me is to keep working through the uncertainty without losing myself in it and risk not being able to find my way back to the joy.” This is the hardest part for me (also, not listening to the inner voices who have their own opinion about my creations).
Thank you for another great post. Really enjoyed this one (like the last ones too).
“When I first saw one of his videos I thought it was a gag—just some kid playing a character and mugging it up for the camera to get TikTok follows and Instagram likes”
I had the same thought when I first saw his videos. After the realization that his enthusiasm was real, I thought about my initial reaction and how the world had shaped it.
As a parent, I often ask myself “when did we loose this freedom and complete joy”. I think we are all trying to get back there some how, some way.
This one hit me because the answer is “I don’t know”.
I recognize joy when I see it in others (Francis is an irrefutable example), and I think I know what joy felt like when I look back across time, transported by a photo or middle-aged memory. Although in the latter case, I wonder whether I was actually experiencing joy at that moment (given my penchant for existential unease, there’s a good chance I wasn’t, or at least not consciously aware of it), or whether nostalgia’s vantage just shows me that I was in its presence.
But these days I tend to walk around in a bubble of numbness, bumping up against a world that I know, logically, contains plentiful joy but which I only ever seem to experience as muted vibrations against the bubble’s membrane.
I’m not quite sure how I’m going to penetrate that membrane, but I think posts like these (and really, your podcasts in general) certainly serve as guideposts.
Thanks very much. By and large, I'm right there with you. I recognize that joy in others and as much as I find joy being in the studio making, I don't HAVE TO. If, for whatever reason, someone said I had to stop painting tomorrow, I could absolutely do it and never look back, which makes me a little sad. I have a ton of interests and I'm grateful to have been raised to pursue my curiosity, but I'd be lying if I said I sometimes don't long for that one thing that lights me up.
“The challenge for me is to keep working through the uncertainty without losing myself in it and risk not being able to find my way back to the joy.” This is the hardest part for me (also, not listening to the inner voices who have their own opinion about my creations).
Thank you for another great post. Really enjoyed this one (like the last ones too).
I'm so glad it landed for you. Thank you for reading (and/or listening). :)
“When I first saw one of his videos I thought it was a gag—just some kid playing a character and mugging it up for the camera to get TikTok follows and Instagram likes”
I had the same thought when I first saw his videos. After the realization that his enthusiasm was real, I thought about my initial reaction and how the world had shaped it.
As a parent, I often ask myself “when did we loose this freedom and complete joy”. I think we are all trying to get back there some how, some way.